bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize