he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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