Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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