do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
