I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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