he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
