I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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