Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
