party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize