so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
