dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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