It's Friday. Sex?
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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