Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
