She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
