You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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