I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
