I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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