at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize