I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Randomize
