dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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