dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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