My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
