I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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