Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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