just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
