please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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