I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I just googled if crying burns calories
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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