He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
