Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
false alarm. still invincible.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
