I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
