So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
