Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
