do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
