It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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