I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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