On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
