K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
it was like eating out sand paper
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
