I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
