I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I am midnight drunk by noon
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
