Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
