You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize