Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
