His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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