just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
