I should be sponsored by Trojan
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Terrible idea I love it
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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