His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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