the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
