the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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