i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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