My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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