Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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