Dude my mom stole all your condoms
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Randomize
