Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
