between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize