We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
