can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
