After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
