at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
My dick has a subreddit
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
