She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
