drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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