He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
