some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
