Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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