so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
You can't just leave with hair like that
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
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