Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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