How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Randomize
