I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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