my phone needs a breathalizer
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
