omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
