She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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