and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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