My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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