do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
