I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I need to calm my uterus...
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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