Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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