I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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