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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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