Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Randomize
