she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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