I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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