Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Are we still banned from the library?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
