Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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