So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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