I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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