I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
