it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
