My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
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