I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I enjoy the company of your penis
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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