I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
