I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
