wakey wakey hands off snakey
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Just pee around me
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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