Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
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