If that was your dad, he is hot
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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