Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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